Wednesday, 17 June 2015


MY STORY| If this can help anyone, and I hope it does its worth me taking the time to write and post this. I used to suffer anxiety and depression. I'm not cured I am unsure if you can ever cure this mental health issue but you can help it. Learn to control it. Hugely. So hugely that it almost seams as if you are cured. I don't want to go into to much detail about why I developed anxiety and depression because it's very personal and more than one reason behind it. But what I hope to achieve from positing this is positive thoughts and a positive outlook to those who are currently suffering. I want each and every one of you to know that things can and will get better I promise you this.

I will give a few examples of triggers that used to cause me anxiety and explain a little bit about why I was in such mindset. I used to suffer panic attacks every now and then when I was under great stress whether it be friend&family issues or work problems. But one night  a few years ago I had a major panic attack, I didn't even feel stressed I was dropping off to sleep and all of a sudden woke with great fear of death I felt like I was dying my pulse had slowed to the point I was almost passing out, of course assuming the worst as those with anxiety issues do I thought I was dying which made the panic attack 10x worse with help from my boyfriend and his mother after about 30 minutes I was calmed.

This kept happening most nights, I couldn't tell why it was happening, so many negative things were impacting my life at this time it was hard to find a main cause. I spent nights not sleeping, laying there thinking about death mainly and how I have achieved so little in my 21 years. Feeling old before my time. I'd spend every night marching the dog around on walks to burn some negative energy, it didn't work. My boyfriend helped me a lot, friends and family also. But nobody could help me only I could help me. That's something everybody with anxiety needs to learn only you can change your mindset. Of course having the support of others has a huge impact but nobody will heal you, you have to heal yourself.

My doctor prescribed me medication, as you know I don't like conventional medication and rightly so, I took one tablet and thought I was going to die - it gave me major anxiety. I spoke to the doctor and she reassured me that the medicine will make you anxious before 'healing' the anxiety. This for me was absolute bullshit. So I discarded the tablets and looked for natural options. I meditated, this helped me fall to sleep at night I couldn't sleep without a guided meditation! Massage would relieve anxiety. Being signed off from my shitty job helped a little too!

I started to attend a counselling group we all shared problems - this kind of helped it was nice meeting others with a similar mindset knowing I wasn't alone. But it wasn't fulfilling enough for me I needed to get deeper into my mind and why I was feeling this way.

I started to attend a one on one session once a week, focusing on CBT this for me was the best thing I did for myself. She helped get to the bottom of my anxiety where it all stemmed from, why I was so in fear of death. Both my parents passed when I was young, they left earth too soon and I guess somehow in my subconscious this has stuck and somehow I had turned their trauma into a personal fear. Along with many other issues id dragged on my shoulders from childhood and teenage years. It was time for me to face it all, cry and just let it go. It took a while and a lot of therapy and self help but i did it. I was always very hard on myself, we got to the bottom of that too, why arguments would make me flip out like a crazy bitch and why I found it difficult to trust others. It was relieving knowing it was normal and that I wasn't just over reacting - it came from something deeper.

I will leave you with this for now, but I want to do a series of post's focused on anxiety and depression. so many people suffer with it - more suffer with it than those who don't. I still have days where ill be a little anxious but I control it now and it doesn't take over my life I can go to bed without going over one hundred billion thoughts until the morning. I always choose to focus on the positives now, no matter how hard my life may seem.

If anybody wants to talk with me personally, I have a lot of time on my hands for cheering people up, send me an email: 
Also here is a link to a useful website

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